mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
