We won't sleep together?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
