there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
