The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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