I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
