I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
only you would photoshop your dick
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
