Say something about gay babies.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
