Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All the doctor said was why
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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