I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
