no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
