i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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