do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
