he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
