Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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