I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
