Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
