I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
