What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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