I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
