Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
