Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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