She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
