Please, let me fuck your mom
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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