I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
