bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize