But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
