at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
