drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
