I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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