I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
