i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
