i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
