Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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