They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
