# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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