no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
