i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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