JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
