first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
