I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
