Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
