i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
