No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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