i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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