o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
