dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
