Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
