he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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