Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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