All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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