I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
