ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
