saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize