We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
