Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
