Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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