grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
