Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
