At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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