I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
