is your mom at the bar?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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