I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
