He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
