I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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