Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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