Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
