a search helicopter?!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
