I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
