You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
