TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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