I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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