I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
