nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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