why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize