I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
