She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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