We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
