Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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