I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
