No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
