I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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