Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
