i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
