so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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