my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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