Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
