He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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