I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
