we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
