I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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