Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
