Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
