I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize