I just made out with a guy for $7.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize