This girl is more easily done than said...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
