i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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