I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
